Maddie Shmagegliggher, the head of the National Organization for Mammary Enhancement, has just released a new poll surveying the opinions of the people of the entire United States of America.*
The poll asked many questions, including the following:
- Would you rather have a homosexual person or a Christian living next door to you and your children?
- Since the infallible Christian Bible prohibits sex between men, are homosexuals who are active in their promiscuous lifestyle sinful?
- Since research** shows that homosexuals are more likely to molest children and be criminals, would you want them anywhere near you and your family?
- Is a homosexual criminal who has murdered his own mother a good person or a bad person?
- Would you call someone who suffers at the hands of their beliefs a martyr?
- Which of the following most closely describes Carrie Prejean: pencil, string of binary data, golden-haired martyr.
- If you dressed up Ms Prejean in a white robe and feathered wings, what being would she most closely resemble?
- Given the choice, which is a better decision: getting breast implants or committing patricide?
This poll was able to definitively determine that most citizens of the greatest country on earth believe that homosexuals are evil, sinful, and law-breakers. Public opinion on Carrie Prejean, however, has never been higher, as people glowingly approve of her decisions and conduct. Obviously, because public opinion trumps all the legal gymnastics in the world, homosexual “marriage” should be banned in this nation permanently and forever and ever. And Ms. Prejean should be given a monument. Perhaps it should resemble the Krakus Mound, although since she is such a picture of greatness, there should be two standing regally side by side instead of just one of them.
*Most respondents legally resided in Utah, despite the fact that they were surveyed in other states at the time of the poll.
**See the work of the esteemed scientist and Christ-follower Dr. Paul Cameron for more information.